Question
I am a Jewish wife who is unhappily married. We are not religious but I do try to do as much as possible, keep kosher, light candles... me and my husband, argue a lot. We almost don't agree on anything, he is a very difficult person, he's picky, stubborn, he was not taught how to be a good loving husband, he's never done something special just for me, we've been together for 6 years (of which 2 are in marriage). Anyway, the main problem is that I am ready to have a baby, it is really important to me, and he is playing with me, he gets mad when I talk about it, last month he agreed that we would start trying this month, and now he's making it difficult for me. He would never volunteringly talk about it with me, he just avoids the whole situation.
My question is, according to the Jewish religion, can a woman get a divorce from her husband legally because of his behavior towards having a baby?
Answer
The Torah says that through marriage, a man and woman "become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)
One flesh means that the commitment of marriage is like the commitment one has to his hand. What is my commitment to my hand? I "am" my hand! I wouldn't reconsider my commitment to my hand if it were broken, ugly, scarred, or if I met someone with nicer hands. I'd reconsider my commitment to my hand only if I had gangrene and it were killing me.
The commitment of marriage is until it's killing you.
There are times when marriages fall into destructive cycles of abuse, and in these situations, divorce is appropriate. But this isn't why most people get divorced. They usually just get tired of each other. The excitement goes out of the relationship, or their sex life isn't what it used to be, or "we don't laugh like we used to." If someone told you they were amputating their hand because "the fun has gone out of it," you'd know they were crazy.
On the other hand, it is a great mitzvah to have a family, and you are certainly entitled to it.
But what concerns me more is the fact that you feel you are not well-treated. You and your husband need to meet with someone who can guide you on this. Because if you are not happy, then you need to work that out FIRST before having a baby. You don't want to raise a child in an unhappy home environment.
With blessings from Jerusalem,
Rabbi Shraga Simmons
Aish.com
