What is a Gett?
The gett is a divorce document required under Jewish law to terminate a marriage. This document is required in addition to the civil divorce. Even if you and you ex are divorced civily and having been living apart for an extended period, under Jewish law, without the Gett you are still married.
In Judaism the giving and accepting of the Gett is a no fault situation. It is the dissolving of the marriage contract, a legal formality only. Even so, many participants report a sense of finality and resolution when the Gett is given by the husband and accepted by the wife, especially when the divorce has been a long and bitter one.
What do you actually do to give or accept a Gett?
The document itself must be prepared by a recognized scribe in the presence of the husband and a witnessing Bet Din. A Bet Din is council of judgment which requires a minimum of three qualified Jews, usually rabbis or a rabbi and two trusted members of the rabbi's congregation. (In Orthodoxy this means observant men. Women are not allowed to serve on a Bet Din.) Once the document is prepared according to a prescribed formula the document is dropped by the husband into the hands of the wife. She takes a few steps away and returns the document to the rabbi. The acceptance of the Gett must also be witnessed by the Bet Din. The Rabbi keeps the Gett for official records and gives both husband and wife an official confirming document. If the husband and wife don't want to be in the same room the Bet Din can appoint messengers and the writing of the Gett and accepting of the Gett can take place at different times and places.
Who needs a Gett?
Under Jewish law there are various forms of marriage which, while acceptable or not to the community, are recognized as a form of marriage requiring a Gett to dissolve. For example if you live with another Jew of the opposite sex you could find yourself needing a Gett to marry someone else at a later date. If you have a child with another Jew, even if it is the product of a one night stand, you may be considered married and need a Gett. If your marriage ceremony was performed by a Reform Rabbi and you then live as husband and wife within the community at large you may require a Gett even though the Reform movement has rejected the use of the Gett. Even if your marriage was purely civil, performed by a non Jew you may need a Gett. If either partner is not Jewish, however, the marriage is not recognized under Jewish law and no Gett is required.
Why bother with the Gett?
Under Jewish law, a woman without a Gett who has a relationship with another man is committing adultery. Any child born of such a union is considered 'mamzur', or illegitimate and cannot marry another Jew. Nor can any of the descendants of a 'mamzur' for ten generations. (Jewish law is one sided. This does not apply if it is the man who does not have the Gett.) The Reform movement and many secular Jews do not regard the Gett as important. However, unless you are prepared to guarantee that no descendant of yours for the next ten generations will ever want to become involved in the more observant Jewish community, your decision to side step the Gett issue can cause untold heart ache for some innocent third party in future.
Also, Orthodox Jewish law is the civil law in the land of Israel. If you or any of your descendants ever decide to live in Israel the Gett is essential. It is legally possible for your ex to bring up a lack of a Gett in civil court in Israel to affect such things as inheritance and estate settlement. Your children of a subsequent marriage may be declared mamzur and have to leave Israel in order to marry.
Finally if you don't have a Gett you may denied membership in certain synagogues. This could potentially make it impossible for you to have an aliyah (be called up to read Torah) or to buy tickets to attend High Holidays, or arrange for a Jewish funeral or marriage. Your ability to serve on various councils within the Jewish community may also be affected.
Who is qualified to supervise the giving and taking of the Gett?
In general, only an Orthodox rabbi from a rabbinate recognized by the government of Israel can supervise the giving and accepting of a Gett that will be universally recognized. The Reform movement doesn't require any form of the Gett. The Reconstructionist movement has forms of the Gett which are not recognized by either the Orthodox or the Conservative branches of Judaism. Conservatives have their own Gettim which are recognized by all branches except the Orthodox (which includes civil law in Israel). Conservatives recognize Orthodox Gettim as legitimate.
If you are a Conservative Jew you should ask your rabbi for a referral to a sympathetic Orthodox rabbi to arrange the Gett. There is a lot of controversy and political machinations going on over the refusal of the Orthodox (which includes civil law in Israel) to accept Conservative divorces, conversions and marriages. Don't let your future or your descendant's future be caught between warring political parties. If your Conservative rabbi tells you that the Conservative Gett will be recognized in Israel or by the Orthodox community he is either lying to you or lying to himself. As a Conservative, I sincerely hope the situation will change. I think the Orthodox position sucks. But that is the way it stands now in 1998.
Let me repeat this very important point. Only an Orthodox rabbi from a rabbinate recognized by the government of Israel can supervise the giving and accepting of a Gett that will be universally recognized by all branches of Judaism.
When should I arrange the Gett?
The sooner the better once the divorce is definitely going to happen. As soon as your separation takes place you should contact a rabbi to start the Gett process. Some rabbis will tell you to wait until the civil divorce is over. This is because divorce is considered a tragedy and some rabbis keep hoping you'll reconcile. If there is no probability of reconciliation and you are told to wait until the divorce is final you should find another rabbi. Do not wait until the civil divorce is finalized to start worrying about the Gett because if things get ugly you could be left with no leverage to force the Gett issue.
How much will the Gett cost?
The Gett will cost you about $800 US in dollars. This varies a bit from jurisdictions and among various rabbis. This does not include the cost of travel to and from the Bet Din or expenses for long distance telephone calls or fees if you use intermediaries. Most Gettim that are prepared in North America are done on a cash only basis and only in US dollars because the Gett must be registered through a US based registration agency. Some rabbis will give a tax deductible receipt for the religious procedure to allow you to write it off as a religious charitable donation but that is unusual.
What if my ex-wife won't accept the Gett?
Sticky and difficult but not impossible for most men. Under the original Jewish law as written in the Torah, a man could give the Gett and divorce his wife without her permission. This was changed in later developments but it is possible in certain limited circumstances to do this even today. The requirements for forcing a Gett on a woman are complicated and you must be guided through them by a competent rabbi who has experience in such issues.
It may be, if you had a Ketubah (marriage contract) prepared by a Conservative Rabbi or an enlightened modern Orthodox rabbi that you're okay. They use conditional Ketubah with an annulment clause if the parties are living apart that allows a duly appointed Bet Din to retroactively annul the marriage. Be careful though. The Ketubah may not be recognized by the Orthodox even though the marriage will be.
Other ways to force the Get include having your ex declared insane or hostile and getting a Bet Din to accept the Gett and hold it for her until she comes to her senses. (This is the route commonly used in the Conservative community.) Another dodge is to check her background for a convert or Jew of questionable status, and declare her to not be a Jew legally. Retroactive annulments are possible for certain reasons. You might also try having her declared an adulteress in which case the Gett must be given. Failing all of that, you can get permission to have more than one Jewish wife. Up until recently in Jewish history, men were entitled to have up to four wives simultaneously so it does not involve violating Torah law. This procedure is difficult and expensive because you must physically find and testify in front of 100 rabbis and get their signatures allowing you to commit polygamy in spite of the ban on it on the grounds it was never meant to be applied in your unique situation.
All of these solutions are stop gap only. Even after they are done by one rabbi, some other rabbi might not recognize the solution creating problems for you in future. The best way to deal with the Gett is to have it given and accepted properly in the first place.
What if he won't give the Gett?
Oh boy, are you in deep trouble. In the old days if a woman was trapped the disapproval of the rest of Jewish community was so severe a pressure it rarely was a concern. Groups of men would even go visit particularly stubborn men and offer them a choice. Either the wife gets her Gett or she is freed by being made a widow. Unfortunately, the good old days are gone.
This particular problem is one of the great heart aches of Judaism. If you can't get a Gett out of him you are an Agunah, a chained woman. For every chained man there are three chained women. Under Jewish law you cannot remarry, in fact you cannot even go out on a date. If you ignore the Gett issue, remarry and have a child you are an adulteress and your child is mamzur. Furthermore, even if you eventually get the Gett, you can't marry the man you're with because Jewish law forbids marrying a man you committed adultery with.
Also because the Torah is very explicit about a man giving the Gett to his wife, the rabbis have no way to reinterpret things to free you except for rare circumstances such as declaring your ex a non Jew. The problem is so acute and so difficult that there are special associations who are working now to solve the problem of the Agunot (plural for Agunah). It is also not uncommon in the agunot situation for the ex to use the Gett as a weapon in the divorce demanding exorbitant cash payments or horribly unfair divorce settlements (including demanding custody of the children) before agreeing to give the Gett. For the Orthodox Jewish woman it is just about the worst fate she could face.
Do I have any recourse under civil law?
This depends on where you live. In Canada there is a law that will deny recalcitrant exs the right to defend themselves in a court action if it can be proven they are denying a religious remarriage. The law is so effective that there are few cases in Canadian law of the law actually being used. Most of the time the mere threat of using the law is enough to bring the most stubborn spouse to the Bet Din.
Unfortunately, you need to have an active court action in the works for it to be effective. You may have to start one first yourself to get underway. A good way to do it is to ask for a reasonable but painful increase in your child or spousal support and then invoke the law so your ex can't fight your motion until the Gett can be taken care of. Another tactic is to make a motion to get custody of the children or to deny access to a non custodial parent. Under Canadian law precedent a spouse who is denying the Gett is considered to be of such a vindictive mental state that they represent a damaging influence on the children.
Surprisingly, Jewish lawyers in general are loathe to use the Canadian law because they understand the complications of rabbinic law all too well and don't want to risk getting entangled. Jewish lawyers, in general, advise their clients against even trying the new law. Hopefully this will change as they see non Jewish lawyers using the clause successfully. The author's husband used the law to force his ex to accept the Get after nine bitter years and his Catholic lawyer handled everything. This lawyer had no concept of Jewish law and merely applied the Canadian law.
In the United States the separation of church and state makes using civil law more difficult. However some states have clauses similar to the Canadian one that allow this type of maneuver. There is also certain limited rights under contractual law that have been used in the past against a recalcitrant spouse. You need an expert to advise you.
In Israel, your recalcitrant spouse could end up residing in jail until he decides to cooperate. In other countries you'll need to ask for information from your local Agunah Society. Agunah support groups tend to be invisible, available only by word of mouth referrals so you may have to ask someone (or even a whole lot of people) knowledgeable in the Jewish community to find them for you.
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