Many experienced family and divorce mediators are familiar with the term "Get" and are aware of its relevance when a Jewish couple seeks a religious divorce. But as often is the case with religious concepts and procedures, the Get, for many, is shrouded in mystery. It represents an aspect of divorce that many professionals tend to refer to outside experts for answers, explanations and arrangements. In truth, there is no need for all the mystery.
Why is this important for mediators to know? One of the many hats we wear as mediators is to help divorcing couples make informed decisions which affect their and their families' future. Towards that goal, the Get is one more issue to raise, inform and discuss with the parties. For a Jewish couple, it is no less relevant of a discussion than the grounds or steps towards obtaining a civil divorce decree. This article will review the fundamental aspects and procedures of the Get, explain the vital importance of the Get and will offer suggestions and practical guidelines for integrating this knowledge with our civil divorce and mediation practice for the goal of fully serving our clients' needs and concerns.
What is the Get?
The Get is simply a writ of divorce. It is a specific hand written document by a professionally trained scribe (with quill and bottled ink) containing 12 Hebrew-Aramaic lines 1 on a parchment. It must be written under the direction of an ordained and specifically trained rabbi.
When is a Get required?
According to Jewish law, a religious writ of divorce, or a Get, is required whenever a Jewish man and woman, who have lived toGether as husband and wife, wish to dissolve their marriage. Even if a Jewish couple was not married in accordance with Jewish ritual, but were married by a justice of the peace, or through common law, they still require a Get. However, married couples where only one spouse is Jewish do not require a Get.
Straightforward Procedure
Under qualified authorities, the Get process is quite simple and takes minimal effort or time (generally not more than 1 - 1 1/2 hours). The procedure begins by the husband instructing a trained scribe to write the Get on his behalf for his wife. The scribe, having undertaken his charge, gives the completed and specifically drafted Get to the husband who then gives it to his wife in the presence of a rabbinical tribunal of three individuals and two witnesses. The wife's acceptance of this document is what makes the divorce effective and final.
The Get is not an adversary proceeding. The document makes no references to responsibility, blame, fault or details of settlement. Unlike civil divorces, there are no additional hearings or drawn out proceedings. Not only is there no confrontation, but under certain circumstances the Get can be done through proxies or agents, so that the couple does not have to be present at the same time. Although the Get is a religious requirement, the procedure is devoid or divine references or religious formulas. There are no blessings, prayers or professions of faith. There are no personal questions that are asked, only standard queries to verify that the participants understand the implications of their divorce and that they are acting of their own volition. The document itself simply certifies the fact that the couple, now released from the bonds of marriage, are each free to remarry.2 Once the Get has been accepted by the wife, it is then returned to the supervising rabbi in whose files it remains. The rabbi subsequently issues a certificate of proof (p'tur, literally: a release) to both of the parties, attesting to the fact that a Get was properly drawn up, delivered, and accepted. 3
Importance of the Get
For a divorcing Jewish couple the Get is a Biblical mandate, 4 an imperative of the highest order. The consequences for not complying with the Get procedure can not be overstated. According to Jewish law, a rabbi may not officiate at the remarriage of either a husband or a wife unless their Get has been obtained. Furthermore, and most tragic, if a Jewish woman were to marry without having obtained a Get, the future offspring of her subsequent relationship are considered ineligible to marry a person of the Jewish faith.
Although the consequences of not getting a Get may not concern a particular individual or couple at the time they are going through the divorce process, especially as they are engulfed in conflict and crisis with other priorities that consume them, the professional working with such a person(s) would be negligent if the issue of the Get was not addressed. Informed of the practical consequences of not obtaining a Get, the responsible mediator should encourage every Jewish divorcing spouse to seriously consider getting one, especially considering the simple and easy procedure to obtain it.
Difficulties arise when the husband or wife do not obtain the Get at the same time they secure the final decree of civil divorce. Often ex-spouses separate geographically, and years later, when one or the other wishes to remarry under Jewish law, it may be extremely difficult to locate the other party to obtain the Get. Even for unaffiliated Jewish individuals not interested in a religious divorce, they should be made aware that although this is not something they deem of importance, they should consider future spouses, or future children, or spouses of future children, who might be very concerned and personally affected, with potentially irreversible consequences, if a Get is never obtained.
When should the Get be obtained?
A Get can be done any time once a couple is no longer living in the same marital residence. Generally speaking, it is felt that once a couple is certain that divorce is inevitable, having given up hope to save the marriage, the sooner the Get is given - the better. In part, this communal expectation of immediacy in giving the Get relates to concerns of avoiding potential future problems. The concern is that one spouse may become recalcitrant in cooperating with the Get procedure. Since a Get must be voluntarily given by the husband and voluntarily received by the wife, cooperation and willingness of both parties is crucial. Even if a recalcitrant spouse is willing to comply with the Get procedure, there is a risk that they might use the requirement of voluntariness as a bargaining chip to negotiate a more favorable divorce settlement. To secure that a couple can freely divorce Jewishly without risking impediments of black mail and religious coercion, many Jewish communal leaders expect that the Get should be given as early as possible in the divorce/separation process.
